Bestselling author Joe Konrath goes on a beer fast for thirty days to lose weight.

Sunday, January 1, 2012

Day 1 - Part 2

For dinner I had a Wild Onion Pumpkin Ale a Bell's Cherry Stout. I don't know if the USDA would count those as part of the fruit and vegetable family, but I figured it couldn't hurt.

I went to bed early, around 11pm, slightly buzzed, and then watched TV for an hour. 

Damn, there sure are a lot of food commercials. I fell asleep hungry, and more than a little concerned.

Some of my concerns include:

Will I lose muscle?

Prior to starting this diet, I've been seeing a personal trainer 2-3 times per week, since early October. I'm going to be working out again tomorrow morning. She's been monitoring my weight, paying attention to fat, muscle, and water ratios. I've actually gained more than fifteen pounds in muscle since I started. I don't want all of my hard work these last few months to atrophy away.

I know beer yeast has protein in it, but I don't know how much. Supposedly I need a minimum of 10%-17% of my daily caloric intake to be protein according to the USDA and the Institute of Medicine. I don't know if I'll get anywhere near that, but I'm going to try to find out. As part of this diet, I'm looking for food laboratories to test several types of beer to find out what is actually in them. Calories, protein, carbs, vitamins, minerals, etc. I haven't found a lab yet, so if anyone reading this has any suggestions, leave them in the comments.

Will I keep dwelling on food?

I've heard it said that men think about sex every 52 seconds. Right now I'm thinking about pizza at about the same interval. Also, oddly, I'm thinking about having sex with pizza. Not quite sure how that would work, but the idea pleases me.

In this culture, it is impossible to get away from images and reminders of food, thanks to our considerate friends, the advertisers. The number of food commercials is staggering. And I hate to say it, as I've been a longtime opponent of the effectiveness of advertising, but I wanted to eat every damn thing that appeared on my TV screen.

I've got 29 more days on this diet. Now that I've gone more than 24 hours without food, I'm really wondering how the hell I'll make it.

Will I lose productivity?

I got a lot done yesterday, working on this blog and my Newbie's Guide to Publishing, shooting a lot of footage, planning future shots. But I didn't get any fiction writing done.

For those reading this who don't know who I am, I make my living by writing novels and short stories. It's a sweet living, too. I've got a book that is overdue, which I have to completely restructure, and I need to get it done this month. If I can't get some writing time in tomorrow, I'm in trouble.

Will I poop?

My DC couldn't answer this one, and I'm pretty curious about it myself. On a 30 day liquid diet, will I still need to drop the kids off at the pool?

If I had to guess, I predict loose stools (Wouldn't that be a great name for a sitcom? Tune in to Loose Stools on Fox!) every few days. But, then again, I remember my son when he was a baby. He didn't eat solids either, but that didn't deter his poop production. So maybe I need to start wearing diapers.

Final thoughts

Falling asleep, I can't help but wonder if this was the mother of all stupid ideas. I guess only time will tell...


  1. Don't sweat the "C" word. You have something on your menu that will work: Miller - it's not so much beer but scores highly on the laxitive scale. Seriously.

  2. WOW! I spied a Brew-Dog "Sink the Bismarck" on your shelf. You beer hound, you! Joe, I officially recommend that on the last beer on the last day of your 30 day brewfest you consume one of your brew dog "Sinken Die Bismarck" while showing off your svelt physique while wearing lederhosen...

  3. The muscle thing could be an issue. Not sure there's enough protein there to sustain you. You could always mix in some whey protein powder with your beer....and yes I know that sounds vile, but I don't know of any brews made from chicken or beef stock off the top of my head.