Bestselling author Joe Konrath goes on a beer fast for thirty days to lose weight.

Monday, January 9, 2012

Day 8 - Part 1

I woke up feeling a bit light-headed and weak, and then I went into the bathroom and started vomiting blood, and then I turned into a werewolf and ate three children, which were not part of the beer diet.

Actually there was no vomiting or lycanthropy or munching on kids, but I was light-headed. I had a blood test to take, which required fasting, so I couldn't have breakfast. After taking the test I had my first beer at around noon, a New Glarus Chocolate Abbey.

I can understand why people fast while meditating. I'm in a contemplative state of mind, very relaxed and aware. I could completely relate to sitting on top of a mountain and trying to become one with the universe. Especially if the mountain had an Applebee's.

Been having funky morning breath the last few days, which I postulated was acetone. I recognized this as ketosis. My body is breaking down fat into ketone bodies, which I'm using as fuel. This is encouraging. Who could have guessed that beer is a fat burner?

Well, maybe it isn't beer so much as starvation. In either case, I'm losing weight. This morning I was 250, which means about 14 pounds lost in a week.

I picked up some ketone testing strips to make sure, and I am indeed in ketosis. I've been on low carb diets before and this same thing has happened, always resulting in healthy weight loss. (And no, I don't have diabetes or alcoholic ketoacidosis.)

I've been doing some writing, and life is pretty peachy. Right now I'm nursing a 1997 Sam Adams Triple Bock. After pouring, I put some water in the bottle to get out all the yeasty goodness at the bottom, and drank that. Triple Bock hasn't aged as well as Sam Adams Utopias or Millennium, and it has a cloying soy-sauce taste that trumps the maple, oak, vanilla, and coffee flavors its description touts. That said, it's still an amazing beer, and at 18% abv it is quite a brewing feat.


  1. Damn, I was really get into it until you said the blood and eating the kids wasn't real. Chortle. Hope the blood test is good.

  2. Dang Joe I dont even know who you are, but that is AMAZING that you have lost 14 lbs in a week. I told my wife that I am going to do this method and she said NO! I am you and I just got out of the Army and I go to school full time, so why not?! Anyways good luck with the blood test and keep up the blog work.


  3. Do you notice your upcoming novel titles changing to: "Cherry Pie" or "Cereal Killers."

  4. I could feel a chorus of I told u so's brewing as people read that first sentence lol.

    Beer jello yet?

  5. Jeez, Joe, my stomach hit my toes when I read 'vomit blood'...don't do that to us, man, some of us have weak hearts! :-) Stay healthy.

  6. Joe, you've inspired me!

    I won't lose 14 pounds in a week, but a slow ride will get me there.

  7. And then Joe threw the fire-wielding mob off his trail by effectively denying he had actually NOT turned into a werewolf and eaten several kids that came to his door selling Girl Scout Cookies.

    Now, nursing a Sam Adams and gnawing on a petite femur he managed to put the Snickerdoodles out of his mind once again. But it wasn't easy.

  8. Joe, I've been reading your blog every day with the wide-eyed trepidation.

    One thing for you to consider: 14 lbs is *a lot* to lose in a week. Way a lot.

    I'm concerned that you're getting dehydrated because your body is excreting too much salt. I imagine your kidneys are working overtime with all that beer (alcohol is a diuretic,) and you've mentioned a "brownie batter" problem.

    Your body maintains homeostasis with respect to both hydration and salt concentration. I'm worried that you're excreting too much water and salt (all urine has some salt in it, even very dilute urine.)

    The answer to this sounds flip, but I am serious: have a margarita.

    And lick all the salt off the rim.

    In an extreme case, too low a salt (or other electrolyte) concentration in your blood could cause a heart attack.

    Making that margarita with lemon-lime Gatorade would work even better.

    Stay well,
    TK Kenyon

  9. Dude -

    I caught this from your main blog - following along. Do me a favor & drink for me, yah?

  10. If salt intake is required, Joe, you might want to try a Chelada - if you permit yourself a little sea salt on the rim of your beer (and lime, of course).

  11. Take care of yourself, Joe. You need all your brain cells to write those books, right?