30 Day Beer Diet

Last Day

2012-01-31T15:34:00.000-08:00

Thank you for the kind words and well-wishes those who gave them.

I had to put on comment moderation for this blog, because someone spoofed my Google ID and was posting comments impersonating me. One bad apple spoils the whole bushel.

When I began this blog I thought I could keep up with it and my day job while shooting a documentary several hours a day. As you can tell by the lack of blog entries, I couldn't do it all. I could either finish the book I had under contract, or keep posting videos and blog entries. Obviously I had to write the book, as that's how I earn a living. Blogging doesn't pay the bills.

We've got well over a hundred hours of footage, and I think it can be cut into an interesting documentary. It's going to be a lot of work, but I hope to have something screenable soon.

I just had my last blood test today, and I should know the results on Thursday.

I haven't weighed myself in over a week, so I don't know how much I've lost. I'm doing a final weigh-in tomorrow. I'm still under the deadline gun, but I'll try to post some before-and-after shots very soon. Thanks for following this crazy experiment, and thanks for your patience.

Day 26

2012-01-27T09:31:00.000-08:00

Still here. Something came up and I've been ignoring this blog. Can't really discuss it until the documentary is finished.

Sorry to be cryptic. Real life can throw you curveballs sometimes. I'm just swinging as best I can.

Day 20

2012-01-22T05:37:00.000-08:00

Worked out, and my trainer Maureen kicked my ass. (BTW, if you want a terrific, affordable trainer in the Northwest suburbs of Chicago, contact her at Jointhemaureencore@gmail.com.)

After the workout, I was sore. Sore, and hungry. I went to the grocery store and picked up some unflavored gelatin (5 calories, no discernible protein, carbs, fat, vitamins, or minerals) to make some beer Jell-O.

Yes, it sounds gross. But I gotta eat something or I'm going to claw my face off. Twenty days without food is unnatural. I also made some beer popsicles. I'll eat them tomorrow and see how terrible they are.

We're still shooting a lot of video, but I haven't posted anything recently because I don't have time to edit. I'm swamped with writing, and need to finish this book I'm working on.

A few editors have contacted me. I pay well, with a profit-sharing option if this documentary turns out to be salable. If you're a video editor and you want to throw your hat into the ring, contact me.

Physically, besides the hunger, I feel fine. No more kidney pain. No warning signals from my body. I'm sleeping well. Low energy, obviously, but nothing seems wrong or off.

Mentally, I'm alert and focused.

Emotionally, I'm hating myself for thinking up this insane idea. This is both the hardest, and the stupidest, thing I've ever done. I'm also a little discouraged. I've lost over 22 pounds so far, and I can see and feel a difference (finally wearing jeans with a 38 waist again, down from 40.) But I still have a lot of weight to lose. This was no quick fix. Every pound is a battle, and even if I lose 30 pounds on this diet like I hope, I still have at least 30 to go.

So in February, I'm thinking about doing another 30 day diet. Some ideas include:

The 30 Day Cracker Diet. One Saltine cracker per day, plus a Ritz on Sundays. I can also snack on one Goldfish every other day.

The 30 Day Hollywood Starlet Diet. Lose weight like the supermodels do, with laxatives and barfing.

The 30 Day Lap Dance Diet. Eat normally and go to a strip club every night. Probably won't lose weight. Probably won't care.

The 30 Day Dr. Seuss Diet. I will only eat foods that rhyme. Just as green bean, chip dip, and cat in the hat.

The 30 Day Meth Diet. We all know you don't need food when enjoying the laid-back experience that is meth amphetamines.

The 30 Day Caveman Diet. I will kill and eat a caveman.

The 30 Day Time Travel Diet. I use my time machine to visit years past and slap my younger self in the face every time I eat a Twinkie.

The 30 Day Human Centipede Diet. Guaranteed weight loss, but the food tastes like shit.

The 30 Day Eat Less and Exercise Diet. Right. As if dumb fad diets like this actually work.

The 30 Day Federal Diet. I eat the Bundestag in Germany. (My guess is .2% of readers will get that joke. For the rest of you there is Wikipedia.)

The 30 Day Jersey Shore Diet. I force myself to watch Jersey Shore for a month, and the nausea makes it impossible to hold down food.

The Other 30 Day Cracker Diet. I will kill and eat a white guy.

The 30 Day Twitter Diet. Make your own joke here.

How about you guys? Any votes for what diet I should do next?

Day 19

2012-01-20T13:17:00.001-08:00

I'm so hungry I'm thinking of renaming my three dogs Sam Adams, Moosehead, and Guinness, so I can eat them. Technically that would still be the beer diet.

Day 18

2012-01-19T12:43:00.000-08:00

Just got back from a very cool visit to the Wild Onion Brewery, did a tour, and assisted the brewers in making a Belgium Wit beer. Latham and Maria ate, and the food looked terrific.

The beer was excellent. I got to try many of their seasonals, as well as some young beer not yet fully fermented, and even some wort from the brew kettle.

If you live in the Northwest suburbs of Chicago, check this place out. I'll be eating there right after my diet ends.

I'm a little low on energy, but feel pretty good considering I haven't eaten anything since January 1.

The scale hasn't budged in the last few days, but I am drinking more water to stay hydrated. My clothes are getting loose, and it's easy to see I've lost weight, but I'm hoping to knock off at least 30 pounds and I seem to be stuck at 20-22.

Twelve days left. It still seems like a long way to go. I can't imagine ever doing this again, at least for this length of time.

Got another workout tomorrow, and some fun stuff planned as I head into the final week. Now I need to get some writing done.

Day 17

2012-01-19T05:22:00.000-08:00

Feeling good.

My cameraman Latham did some research and told me it is impossible for a kidney stone to form in two weeks. So maybe it was just an unhappy coincidence that I passed one on this diet. Or maybe the diet exacerbated the condition. We'll never know.

I do know that I feel better since taking supplements. But that brings up another possible coincidence.

I'm hungry. REALLY hungry.

My hunger was manageable prior to supplementing. Since I've started, my hunger pangs have really kicked in.

Is it the vitamins and whey protein? Or is it the fact I've gone 17 days without eating?

Dunno. But I'm constantly being distracted by thoughts of bacon.

Mmmm. Bacon.

I love bacon.

Why don't the Slim Jim folks make a dried bacon snack? Wouldn't it be awesome to go into a 7-11 and get a prepackaged strip of bacon? Wouldn't that beat the hell out of beef jerky?

If I ever have a little girl, I'll name her Bacon. Then she could marry Kevin Bacon, and be called Bacon Bacon.

Then I'd eat her.

With hash browns.

Mmmm. Hash browns.

I'm going to go cry in the corner now.

Stool report: Smelled like swamp gas. Which was appropriate, because it looked like a swamp. If an alligator had jumped out of the toilet, I wouldn't have been surprised.

Day 16

2012-01-17T04:06:00.000-08:00

Over the halfway point. I still love the beer, but I do miss food. Not eating isn't natural.

I haven't had any kidney pain for more than 36 hours. I'm keeping my fingers crossed.

Yesterday I began the day with a Founders Breakfast Stout. For lunch I had a 7oz bottle of Rogue Imperial IPA and a 7oz bottle of Rogue Imperial Younger's Special Bitter Ale, both yummy. My friend Carl came over later, and we shared a 2009 East End Gratitude Barleywine. It was among the best barelywines I've ever had (up there with Three Floyds Behemoth and Goose Island King Henry.)

At the end of the night I split a Founders Red's Rye P.A.with my wife.

I'm feeling better. Along with the kidney pain, I was very tired, and I just felt like something wasn't right with my body. That feeling is gone now. There's still some hunger, but the lethargy, fuzziness, and malaise have disappeared. Could be coincidence, but I'd bet it is the supplements I've begun to take. In hindsight, it seems like a no-brainer. While a 30 day beer-only diet is a novel idea, I should have been taking supplements from the beginning. While decreasing health certainly lends itself to drama, it isn't worth kidney stones.

Nothing is worth kidney stones.

I'm working out again today, but besides a beer I'll have 30g of whey protein in me. We'll see if I can finish my sets this time.

Update: An hour after I wrote this entry I peed out a kidney stone.

It's 2.73mm long. In this pic, I'm using the Army Knife app on my iPhone, which has a digital caliper. It's the orange, diamond-shaped object in the pincers. The stone is actually gray, but it is hard to take a picture of an iPhone screen, even with the brightness turned all the way down.

Apparently the pain I was feeling wasn't a precursor to an attack; it was the actual attack, caused by the stone travelling from my kidney to my bladder via the ureter.

Was it the beer diet that caused this? I don't know, but it couldn't have helped. Beer is known to increase uric acic levels.

Was it the tart cherry extract and dandelion root that helped me pass the stone, perhaps by breaking it up? Again, unknown. But I'm not taking any chances, and will continue taking those supplements.

The reason my pain was 4 out of 10 rather than the 11 out of 10 I had with my previous stone comes down to size. My previous stone was 6mm. This one was less than 3mm, and most ureters are 3mm-4mm in diameter.

I'm relieved. Even though there may be more stones in my kidney, I'm thrilled this one didn't cause me any more pain.

And just to clarify since some readers of this blog take offense to my references concerning bodily functions, I wore a latex glove to get the stone out of the toilet.

The stone, and the glove, will be on eBay later today.

Day 15 - Part 1

2012-01-16T04:28:00.000-08:00

During the day I had more kidney pain, though it was mild.

When I began this diet, my uric acid levels were slightly elevated. My guess is they've always been elevated, which is why I had kidney stones in the past. While beer has been shown to increase uric acid in the body, can it alone be blamed for my kidney health?

I dunno. But it was enough to make me think about what the purpose of this diet was, and why I'm doing it.

First and foremost, I want to lose weight. That's the main goal.

Second, I wanted to see what a beer-only diet does to a person for 30 days. But not to the degree that my health suffered in any large-scale way.

Third, I wondered if I could even do it. A month without food? Would I have the self-control?

This is hardly a scientific experiment, so I have no idea if my results are typical or atypical. There was no control, no large data pool, and I'm a subject with uric acid issues in the first place. I've lost 20 pounds in two weeks, but I also may be hurting myself.

Along with the increased uric acid, I can visibly tell I'm losing muscle. And who knows what other internal problems are happening because I'm missing nutrients?

So I decided it was time to make a decision. Quit the diet, or modify it.

What ways could I modify?

Well, the first thing I obviously needed to do was reduce my uric acid. I DO NOT want kidney stones.

A search of the internet and a quick trip to the vitamin store provided a few products touted to lower uric acid and improve kidney function.

But before I get into that, it's worth knowing something about me. I'm a skeptic. As such, I'm not a fan of alternative medicine. I like to base my actions on hard data, not on anecdotal evidence. Alternative medicine is filled with anecdotes, hearsay, and loosey-goosey studies. That doesn't mean there may not be some truth to what certain supplements can do, but as far as I'm concerned the whole nutraceutical needs a LOT more scientific scrutiny.

That said, I bought a few products that anecdotes and a few studies say help reduce or neutralize uric acid. First of all, good old sodium bicarbonate. Then some tart cherry juice concentrate, and celery seed extract. Finally, some dandelion root for supposed kidney health.

I took these last night, slept well, and haven't had any more kidney pain in ten hours.

Okay, that's hardly conclusive. But it got me thinking.

Technically, all of these things I'm taking are unproven. And technically, I've already broken the rules of my diet (it was supposed to be beer and water only.)

So if I'm taking some medically unproven supplements, it would be stupid not to take some medically proven ones.

Later today I'm going back to the vitamin store and actually getting some stuff that I know my body needs. A multivitamin. Omega 3 oil. Protein powder. Calcium and magnesium.

I'm still drinking beer. I'm still avoiding food. But I've decided to try and make this diet smarter and (hopefully) healthier with some supplements.

This diet is no longer about the healthful properties of beer, which disappoints me. I would have loved to have shown that I could live on beer alone for a month, and come out better at the end of it.

Instead, I'll settle for losing weight drinking nothing but beer, and taking some supplements so I (hopefully) don't hurt myself.

Still no food. Still beer as my main source of calories (other than 200 calories in whey protein, tart cherry concentrate, and fish oil.)

We'll see if I continue to lose weight, and if the bad numbers in my blood work go back to being good...

Day 14 - Part 2

2012-01-15T12:45:00.000-08:00

My kidney pain decreased to a point where I could take a nap. When I woke up, no more pain, and my urine color is normal again.

If the pain comes back, my wife insists she'll take me to the ER. Until then, I'm going to keep on keeping on. That might be stupid, but this diet has been a silly idea from the beginning. If I really start to hurt myself, my wife will force me to stop.

Right now I'm drinking a Sam Adams New World Tripel, and 17 gallons of water. I'm sort of bummed out. I don't want the 30 Day Beer Diet to become the 2 Week Beer Diet, but I will stop if I need to.

Day 13 and 14 - Part 1

2012-01-15T06:02:00.000-08:00

It's day 14, and I woke up at 3am in pain. Been up since, and I'm considering going to the ER.

But first here's some backstory.

On the morning of the 13th I got a deep tissue massage. It was my first massage ever, and parts of it hurt like hell, but afterward I felt great.

Then I went to a beer tasting event at a local liquor store, tried some great brews, and interviewed some cool people.

The rest of the day was uneventful. Did some writing. Answered some email. Went to bed at 11pm.

My kidney woke me in. My right one.

Over a decade ago, I awoke in the middle of a dream, thinking that someone had stabbed me in the back. But waking up didn't make the pain go away. I knew about kidney stones because my father had them, and he described it as the worst pain ever.

Dad was right. I've had a root canal. I broke my leg. I've gotten kicked in the junk. But my kidney stone took the gold medal in the pain Olympics.

Because I knew what it was, I knew there was really nothing I could do about it. Doctors don't give you a magic pill to make kidney stones go away. I had to pass it on my own.

These were also my salad days, and we were poor. I didn't have medical insurance, and a $2500 trip to the ER would have hurt us badly.

So I toughed it out.

After four hours, I began vomiting. Not because I was sick to my stomach, but because it hurt so much.

After eight hours, I was curled up in a fetal position on the bathroom floor, weeping.

After nine hours I finally went to the ER... and was stuck in the waiting room for two more hours.

When the doctor finally saw me and hooked me up with morphine, I had a CT and my kidney stone was confirmed. I was also told I had several others in the same kidney.

So when I woke up this morning, I recognized the pain. Right now it's about a 4 out of 10 (my previous stone was 11 out of 10.) I've been drinking glass after glass of water, but the pain isn't going away. It's strong enough that I can't get back to sleep. My pee looks like weak brewed iced tea.

Earlier this week, my blood work revealed high uric acid levels in my blood. That troubled me, because some kidney stones are made of uric acid.

Kidney stones suck. And I now have health insurance. But for the moment the pain is manageable. No fever, no chills, no vomiting.

Now, contrary to what many may think, I'm not a complete idiot. No diet is worth having another kidney stone.

But so far the pain isn't nearly as bad as the pain from years ago. And this could be just a coincidence that I'm having kidney pain now. After all, I was told there were more stones in there. So this diet may have nothing to do with it.

That seems to be stretch credulity, though.

I've been putting up with the pain for five hours. My wife wants to take me to the hospital. But if I go, that's pretty much the end of the Beer Diet. I promised her that she can end the diet any time if she thinks I'm hurting myself.

That said, I've lost 18 pounds so far, and I'm a man who finishes what he starts. I really want to do the whole 30 days.

I'll blog later today when I figure out what I'm going to do.

Day 12

2012-01-14T03:24:00.000-08:00

Woke up early, again. Had a Goose Island Big John (imperial stout with cacao nibs). What an amazing beer.

It's worth noting that even though I miss food, I'm loving the beer I'm drinking. One of my fears going into this was getting sick of beer. That hasn't been the case at all.

But this is still pretty tough. Going twelve days without eating is not an easy thing to do. I'm not obsessing about food, and I'm okay when people are eating around me, but it makes me unhappy to think that I still have 17 more days to go.

Last night I dreamt of eating a baked potato.

Finally had a productive writing day. Cleared up some major plot problems, and also wrote about 2500 words.

I'm still a little on the weak side, but since adding more water to the diet I haven't felt light-headed or drawn out. One thing I really like is I can fit into a lot of my old shirts again. This diet may be crazy, but it's working.

Once I'm done, I'm going to continue exercising and watching what I eat. Getting fat wasn't worth this, and I don't plan on every going on a diet ever again. Watching calories is a much easier, and better, solution.

Day 11

2012-01-12T16:17:00.000-08:00

I'm not dead yet.

Hurray.

Got up at 5am. Been getting up at 5am a lot. Could be the diet. Could be that my house is buried over an ancient Indian burial ground and the ghosts of the massacred dead are waking me to kill my family.

I think it is the former, though I am a bit confused about why I wake up clutching a fire ax.

I began the day with a 22oz Lindeman's Kriek Lambic. Lots of cherry goodness. I managed to stick my tongue three inches into the bottleneck to get out some of the residue, which should qualify me for porn star status in productions directed by women.

Are there any porn productions directed by women? That would be hot.

Then I went to my DC, who got my blood test results.

Nothing too horrible. My uric acid is high. My iron is high. My cholesterol went up to 153.

After working out for a solid 45 minutes and telling my trainer I'd rather tweeze my entire scrotum than finish the workout (and that's quite a job--it looks like my boys are wearing a wig), I went to see her mentor, a personal trainer and nutritionist, who spent twenty minutes telling me in excruciating detail what a terrible idea this diet is and why I'm probably the biggest moron on the planet for even attempting something so stupid. He was smart, articulate, and made perfect sense, which makes me regret not talking to him 11 days ago.

Also, he never really called me a moron. He was extremely congenial and polite and helpful and totally cool. That naturally made me want to crawl into a corner and bawl my eyes out, which I couldn't do because of the omnipresent dehydration.

Or maybe that's just the muscle atrophy talking.

He also advised against switching the diet from beer to cocaine, to my dismay.

Then I went home and quickly had a Leinenkugel Big Eddy Russian Imperial Stout (9% abv) and a 2010 Founder's Nemesis Barelywine (12% abv) and felt a whole lot better for some reason.

Right now, I'm blogging. Which you should have guessed, because you're reading this.

I weigh 248. I've lost 15 pounds, but that probably has been water, bone, muscle, and brain cells. As soon as I eat a Saltine I'll gain it all back, plus ten more pounds, immediately. Then every kitty on the planet will explode.

Note to self: stop talking to people who know this diet is a bad idea.

For the remainder of the evening, I'm going to make sweet love to the wife. Then I'll wake her up and we'll watch a movie.

I'm shooting hours of irreverent, and sometimes reverent, video, and I'm looking for a professional editor. If anyone reading this is a professional video editor, or knows one, get in touch with me. Extra consideration given if by using pure editing skill they can make me look like Brad Pitt.

Thanks to all reading for following my progress so far.

Stool report: Like a fart, but wetter and browner.

Day 10

2012-01-11T19:47:00.000-08:00

I had really low energy yesterday after the workout, and that held over to this morning. I was in poor spirits, had muddied thoughts, and pretty much felt like I'd just gotten over the flu.

Then I started drinking water. A lot of water.

Magically, my energy returned and my mind cleared.

Dehydration is a bitch.

So now my spirits are back up. I'm still at 249 pounds, even though I'm in ketosis. My guess is I'm losing fat but am replenishing the water weight I lost.

I'll post more video soon. It's hard to juggle two blogs, a career, and making a documentary while also doing this insane diet, so I'm behind in pretty much everything. But I feel good.

Took a brisk 1.5 mile walk today, and had a euphoric sensation that matches the definition of "runner's high." When I stopped walking, it oddly felt like my body was still moving forward. Kind of a cool experience.

Hear that, kids? You don't need drugs to feel good. You can get the same feeling by not eating any food for ten days then walking for half an hour. Wouldn't that be fun at your next rave?

I'm getting my blood test results tomorrow, so I can go into detail how much I'm ruining my body. Then I've got another workout.

I'm 1/3 of the way through this. And the one thing that has kept me going is the support of you, the strangers reading my blog.

Ha! Just kidding. The one thing that has kept me going is masturbation. Maybe that's why I'm so dehydrated.

Stool report: Do you know how when squids get frightened the shoot a big cloud of ink? That's pretty much where I'm at.

Day 9

2012-01-10T18:22:00.000-08:00

Tired all day. Didn't get much done. Could only finish half my workout.

Want to post some videos and write more, but I'm lacking the energy and motivation.

I've lost about 14 pounds so far, but according to a biometric scale reading this morning, I've also lost 2% muscle and 1% bone. Could have been because I was dehydrated (that messes with the readouts) but it bummed me out just the same.

I went into this diet not knowing what would happen. That was part of the experiment. If I'm harming my health, even though that isn't what I want, I have to accept that as a result. I'll know for sure when I get my blood results on Thursday.

Hopefully I'll snap out of this funk. We've gotten some good footage the last few days, and I am losing weight, so I should be happier.

But instead I'm meh.

On the plus side, I did tag the wife. The diet isn't affecting the libido. And for the first time in a while it was great to see her boobs without mine in the way.

Day 8 - Part 1

2012-01-09T12:41:00.000-08:00

I woke up feeling a bit light-headed and weak, and then I went into the bathroom and started vomiting blood, and then I turned into a werewolf and ate three children, which were not part of the beer diet.

Actually there was no vomiting or lycanthropy or munching on kids, but I was light-headed. I had a blood test to take, which required fasting, so I couldn't have breakfast. After taking the test I had my first beer at around noon, a New Glarus Chocolate Abbey.

I can understand why people fast while meditating. I'm in a contemplative state of mind, very relaxed and aware. I could completely relate to sitting on top of a mountain and trying to become one with the universe. Especially if the mountain had an Applebee's.

Been having funky morning breath the last few days, which I postulated was acetone. I recognized this as ketosis. My body is breaking down fat into ketone bodies, which I'm using as fuel. This is encouraging. Who could have guessed that beer is a fat burner?

Well, maybe it isn't beer so much as starvation. In either case, I'm losing weight. This morning I was 250, which means about 14 pounds lost in a week.

I picked up some ketone testing strips to make sure, and I am indeed in ketosis. I've been on low carb diets before and this same thing has happened, always resulting in healthy weight loss. (And no, I don't have diabetes or alcoholic ketoacidosis.)

I've been doing some writing, and life is pretty peachy. Right now I'm nursing a 1997 Sam Adams Triple Bock. After pouring, I put some water in the bottle to get out all the yeasty goodness at the bottom, and drank that. Triple Bock hasn't aged as well as Sam Adams Utopias or Millennium, and it has a cloying soy-sauce taste that trumps the maple, oak, vanilla, and coffee flavors its description touts. That said, it's still an amazing beer, and at 18% abv it is quite a brewing feat.

Day 7 - Part 1

2012-01-08T09:19:00.000-08:00

Went to bed feeling a bit weak.Woke up feeling a bit week. Drank a Founders Breakfast Stout and now I feel better, if a bit light-headed. Don't know if that's the diet or the 8.3% abv.

Today my wife Maria is going the solidarity route and joining me on the beer diet. She said she won't eat anything today, just drink what I'm drinking.

Maria is incredibly strong willed, and she's also the most supportive person I've ever met. That said, she's never gone a day without food in her life, and she gets really crabby when she misses a meal.

I have no idea if she'll make it or not. It really is about 50/50. I'm sure she'll make it to the evening hours, but then it is anyone's guess if she makes it to bed without snacking on something.

Tomorrow I have my second blood test, to see how my body is holding up. I'm also going to be making beersicles by freezing some fruit beers.

I'd like to also make beer gelatin. Unflavored gelatin (Knox) has about 25 calories. But I'm on the fence because gelatin isn't beer, so techinally I'd be violating the rules of the diet (just beer and water.)

Still, it would be fun, and I wonder what it would taste like. What do you think? Beer Jello or not?

Day 6 - Part 2

2012-01-07T16:22:00.001-08:00

While on a liquid diet, temptations abound...

But I wasn't quick enough. Talk about fast food!

Day 6 - Part 1

2012-01-07T07:16:00.000-08:00

Slept well, but woke up early--around 5am. Spent the morning editing my workout routine from the day before (see my previous post). Now I'm having my breakfast, an Orchard White by The Bruery. It's made with wheat, oats, and spices, and is 5.7% abv. It's a crisp, Belgian-style ale, and is just so pretty I had to take a picture of it.

Tastes great, too.

The plan today is to visit one of the best liquor stores in the state and do a little shopping. Naturally, I'll bring the camcorder along.

Overall I feel fine. My muscles are sore, but they always are after exercising. I'm a bit low energy, but I'm happy, and I'm not hungry.

I really did expect more hunger on this diet. But so far I haven't been seriously tempted by food. And while my stomach does rumble occasionally, I'm not feeling weak or light-headed or nauseous or any of the other symptoms normally associated with being hungry.

I also haven't had a single headache so far, and that also surprises me. Beer has given me a few headaches in the past. I've also gotten headaches when I've gone too long without eating. But even though I'm drinking beer and haven't had any food, no headaches at all.

Stool report - It's official. I no longer have an ass. I have a squirt gun that shoots out brownie mix. But what I'm lacking in bulk I'm making up for in frequency. Went twice this morning, and will probably go again.

Maybe it would make life easier if instead of shopping for beer today, I went shopping for diapers...

Day 5 - Part 2

2012-01-07T06:59:00.000-08:00

I drank two beers during my workout, a Sam Adams Winter Lager and a New Glarus Chocolate Abbey.

Is beer while exercising a bad idea? Did it make me sick? Did I throw up? Could I even finish the workout?

Watch for yourself. This is the first video I've posted that I've edited. Nothing professional-quality, but I tried to cut all the boring parts and stick to the interesting stuff.

After the workout I was pretty much wiped out for the rest of the day. Did a bit of writing, but not enough. Ended the night with a Southern Tier Choklat (10% abv).

While I was researching this idea in December, I came across a man who tried it last Lent--and incredibly he lasted for 46 days living on just beer and water. His name is J.Wilson. I sent him a message on Facebook and he recently posted an open letter to me on Brewvana which featured some excellent, hard-won advice. He seems like a great guy, and I hope he gets in touch because I'd love to interview him, either here or on my Newbie's Guide to Publishing.

He wrote a book about his experience called Diary of a Part Time Monk. I haven't read it yet, because I want to go into this whole thing without preconceptions, but I did buy a copy and it's on my Kindle. If my journey is at all fascinating to you, I suggest getting his book--but don't spoil it for me.

Day 5 - Part 1

2012-01-06T09:09:00.000-08:00

Last night I went to bed exhausted, stomach rumbling, wondering for the hundredth time what the hell I was doing. At one point I went downstairs to grab a DVD, and without even thinking I opened up the refrigerator. Old habits die hard. I took a quick look at all the food, then closed it without being tempted.

Woke up early, in a good mood, and got some blogging and some writing done. Drank a 25oz New Glarus Wisconsin Belgian Red, which was excellent. It's made with over a pound of cherries, and only 4% abv, so I'm not buzzed at all for my workout today at noon.

Tomorrow I'm going to a liquor store to buy more fruit beer and pick the brains of the beer expert there.

Right now I feel great. I've fasted before--the longest period was three days--and while that helped me drop weight quickly, I didn't enjoy it. Going on a low carb diet--which I've done many times--is fine for a few days, but I always wound up craving fruit, or bread, or beer. I've done calorie restricted diets before and have been hungry most of the time.

I know it is only Day 5 (officially 110 hours without any food) but I couldn't be happier. Stomach is full, I'm rested and content, and my energy level is good. In fact, I actually feel healthier than I did prior to starting the diet, weird as that sounds.

I'm sleeping better.
I feel mentally clearer.
My attitude is brighter.
I'm calmer, and much less stressed than usual.
I'm smiling more often.

So either my health is actually benefiting from this diet, or I've become delusional.

I'm not obsessing about food at all, which is something I didn't expect. I figured I would be hungry all the time, dream every night about cheeseburgers, and basically be a grump-ass. Instead I'm loving life.

Stool report - Hershey's Syrup. Doesn't smell like it, though.

Gotta run. More soon...

Day 4 - Part 2

2012-01-06T05:26:00.001-08:00

Visiting the Three Floyds brewpub was really cool. We talked to a lot of employees, and a lot of patrons, learning about the brewing process and asking what they thought of my diet.

We got a lot of great footage, but with some of it the sound is kind of low, so it will need to be edited.

This is a good point in the blog to talk about what beer is. Years ago I worked for a brewmaster at a local brewpub, assisting him. I've also been a homebrewer for many years. So now is a good time to discuss what beer is, and how it is made.

According to reinheitsgebot (the German purity law of 1516, one of the first food regulation laws) the only four ingredients allowed in beer are water, yeast, barley, and hops. This remains true today, though other things can be added depending on the style (fruits, vegetables, grains, spices, etc.)

The process of beer-making was probably discovered accidentally in ancient Mesopotamia over 11,000 years ago. Someone left some grain in a vessel, it rained, and magic happened.

Barley is a cereal. When the grains are dried, they go into a kind of suspended animation. Then, when water is added, they think it rained and begin to germinate, the starches converting to sugars. If the process is stopped just as the barley begins to grow, this barley is considered malted.

Malt is the perfect food for yeast. Yeast is a unicellular fungus, and it is extremely common. The theory is some wild yeast landed in a pot that contained germinating barley, and began to chow down.

When yeast eats malt, two of the byproducts are carbon dioxide, and alcohol.

Here's how a simplified breakdown of brewing works:

1. Barley is malted, then placed in a mash tun (a big heated receptacle) with water. It is held at certain temperatures until the starches convert to sugars.

2. The sugar water and barley are then separated in a process called lautering, and the water (now called wort) is placed into a brew kettle and boiled.

3. Hops are added. They can be added at the beginning of the boil, during it, in the final few minutes, and even in the fermentation tank. Hops are the cone-shaped flowers of humulus lupulus, a perennial vine. Hops provide bitterness, head retention, and also work as a preservative. They're responsible for a beer's aroma and bitterness.

4. The wort is cooled and placed in a fermentation tank with yeast. Yeast eats the wort, turning the liquid into beer.

5. Billion of people around the world rejoice.

There are many varieties of malt, yeast, and hops, and the different combinations are a large part of the reason beers are the most diverse alcoholic beverage in the world.

While beer comes in dozens of different styles, and each of those styles are unique depending on the ingredients, ratio, and talent of the brewer, there are still only just two types of beer.

Here is Barnaby, one of the brewmasters at Three Floyds, to talk about them.

While at the brewpub, I was treated to a lunch of Alpha King (American Pale Ale, 6% abv), followed by small glasses of Dreadnaught (Indian Pale Ale, 9.5% abv) and Big Black Van (American Black Ale, 7.5% abv). They were all delicious, especially fresh from the tap. If you haven't visited Three Floyds, it is truly one of the coolest places on the planet. The beer (and the food, which I remember from past visits) are terrific, and the vibe there is so laid back and fun that my friend George and I wanted to stay forever.

I began the day with a Founders Breakfast Stout, so by the time we left the brewery I wasn't feeling any pain.

Back at the homestead, George and I hung out and shared a Guinness (4.2% abv--thought it was stronger than that didn't you?), a Bell's Hopslam (Imperial IPA, 10% abv) and a Le Coq Imperial Extra Double Stout (Russian Imperial, 10% abv).

That may seem like a lot, but it actually only amounted to less than five 12oz beers, which is about what I've been doing daily since starting this diet.

At the end of the day I did my nightly weigh-in.

When I began this diet, I was 263.75 pounds.

As of this weigh-in, I'm 254.8.

Is that loss water weight? Doubtful. I'm drinking a gallon of water per day, and beer is 90% water, so I'm not dehydrated.

I'm hoping this downward trend will continue.

Day 4 - Part 1

2012-01-05T03:52:00.000-08:00

I began this 30 day beer diet on January 2. It is now the morning of Jan 5th, so this is my fourth day without any food.

I feel good, other than sore muscles from my workout. Even though I had five beers yesterday, I'm not hungover or dehydrated in the least. Spacing them out, choosing lower abvs, and drinking a lot of water helped me avoid getting drunk.

I'm falling into a pattern of blogging two times for each day on the diet, so people interested in following my progress need to scroll down so they don't miss any updates.

Stool report - It's official. I'm the worlds fattest infant. At least, that's what my poop looks like: small, black, and soft.

Today is going to be a fun one. I'm going to Three Floyds Brewery in Indiana with my longtime friend George, to do a tour and talk beer with the brewers.

I'll post that raw footage tonight or tomorrow. In the meantime, here's another clip from yesterday.

WARNING! In this clip I tell the true story about the death of my dog. So if you're a pet lover, or particularly sensitive, have some hankies ready.

Day 3 - Part 2

2012-01-05T03:12:00.000-08:00

Fun day today.

Latham Conger, my friend for 32 years and cameraman for this project, came over with McDonalds. We recorded each other eating--I had an Autumn Maple 10% abv from The Bruery, he had a Big Mac and a chicken sandwich.

I smelled his food, but it really didn't do anything to me. No stomach rumbling. No drooling. I truly preferred the Autumn Maple, which was delicious.

Then my friend Carl Graves, who is also my cover artist, dropped by and we played some pinball and drank a few. Since the Autumn Maple was a higher abv, I selected some weaker beers for the rest of the evening. Even so, the social situation prompted me to drink more than I probably would have on my own. I wound up drinking five beers total for the day, including a Sam Adams Boston Lager, a Guinness Draught, and a collaboration by The Bruery, Elysian, and Stone called La Citrueille Celeste de Citracado. That last beer was brewed with yams, pumpkin, toasted fenugreek, lemon verbena, and birch bark. Yum.

Also, when the night was winding down, I did two shots of Sonoran 200. Sonoran 200 is an ale brewed with agave nectar, and like Sam Adams Utopias, it has no carbonation and is poured and consumed like a cordial. It was the bottom of the bottle, cloudy with yeast, and delicious. Sonoran 200 is a bit over 19% abv.

I ended the night with a BAC of about .06 - .07. Drank plenty of water.

With Carl and my wife Maria in the room with me, I went through my closet and tried on some of my old shirts to see if they still fit while they tried in vain not to laugh.

I'm not posting a lot of videos on this blog, but actually we're recording quite a bit. Latham follows me around for about eight hours every day, and each day we get about 90 minutes of footage. Naturally, I'm also recording my process--weigh-ins, body pictures, each beer I drink, etc. Plus we're interviewing my friends and family, as well as strangers, asking them what they think about this idea.

If I get through this month, we'll have well over 40 hours of material. The plan is to cut it down to a 90 minute documentary, but a lot of this footage is pretty fun (we really have to try hard not to laugh), so an alternative might be making each day its own 20 minute episode.

As for my writing, I'm not getting anything done. Something is going to have to give, because I've got a book that's due that needs to be finished ASAP.

Some people have been asking about the changes happening with my digestive system on an all beer diet, so I shot this to satisfy their curiosity. I dare you not to look away.

Day 3 - Part 1

2012-01-04T06:32:00.000-08:00

I slept well, having to wake up twice to pee. It's hard to believe I haven't had any food in 60 hours, because I feel fine.

Stool report: Looked like a Jackson Pollock, but monochrome brown.

It's 7:40am, and I'm drinking a 6.6% Innis & Gunn. I'm running into a problem with my beer cellar, in that most of the beer I have is between 6% and 15% alcohol. That concerns me, because my goal for this diet isn't to get plowed. I may need to go shopping soon for some weaker beer.

I'm also concerned about getting through today. It's my first time on the diet where I don't have anything scheduled, so I'll probably be home all day. That could be fine, because I need to get some work done (I only managed a few hundred words yesterday), but it could be bad, because without any activities to distract me I could:

A) Drink too much.
B) Start thinking about food.

Oddly enough, the AA saying "One day at a time" applies to me in this situation. I can't imagine not eating for 27 days. But I think I can get through today without food.

Since I brought up AA, this is a good time to talk about alcoholism. According to Wikipedia, alcoholism is the compulsive and uncontrolled consumption of alcoholic beverages, usually to the detriment of the drinker's health, personal relationships, and social standing.

I love beer. I also love good rum, scotch, whiskey, and tequila. I normally drink a few times a week, and a few times a month I probably drink too much.

But never has my alcohol consumption fit the definition of compulsive or uncontrolled. As evidenced by my last blood work, my health is fine aside from the fat. My personal relationships are terrific. I can't really comment on my social standing, because lots of folks despise me, but that has to do with my public image, not because of any drinking I'm doing. In fact, I bet a lot of NY publishers wished I drank a helluva lot more.

I do recognize that some people are addicted to alcohol, and it ruins their health and their life. This has not been the case with me. My life is damn close to ideal. Even when I was poor and struggling, unhappy with my career path, I can't say I drank any more or less than I do today. I've never needed alcohol, or used it to help cope, or as a crutch. I also don't require it in social situations.

I think the US has a love/hate relationship with alcohol. One one hand, there is a general understanding that drinking is a form of recreation and entertainment, and that it isn't ever going away. On the other, drinking has been demonized. The fact that a person can vote, serve their country in the armed forces, but can't have a beer is ridiculous. Most states have regulated times when alcohol can be sold. Some only allow beer to be sold by the case. Some have specials stores that sell hard liquor. Some don't allow alcohol sales on Sunday. Some counties are completely dry.

I find these laws, and all laws the supposedly protect me from myself, to be pretty stupid. People should be able to do what they want to, as long as they aren't hurting others. If I want to buy a beer at 4am, why can't I? I don't need the government to be my parents. In fact, I don't even need my parents anymore, because I'm an adult.

I'm aware that alcohol can destroy lives. I fully support tough laws on drunk drivers (full disclosure, I've never had a DUI). But this all comes down to choice. Even if you believe addiction is a disease (some doctors don't), it isn't as if your body is spontaneously generating alcohol like cancer cells. To get drunk you need to put the alcohol into your body manually. And let's be honest; if you really want a drink, you can find one, even in a totally dry county.

But I don't want this diet to turn into a debate about alcoholism, addiction, or dependency.

Beer is fun. And with this diet, I'm hoping to show that beer isn't as bad for you as you might think. It might even turn out to be good for you.

We'll see...

Day 2 - Part 2

2012-01-03T18:42:00.001-08:00

The workout was tough. About halfway into it I just ran out of energy, and began to feel nauseous.

My trainer has been working with me since October 8. I've been building muscle, but haven't been losing fat, because I've been eating for seventeen people. So while I have more energy and more strength since I began working out, I haven't lost weight.

Today we did two rounds of four exercises. The first was 50 squats and kicks while holding two 15 pound barbells. The second was 20 burpees alternating with throwing a 12 pound ball against the wall. Third was a minute of rope work on each arm in a lunge position. Fourth was tossing a 10 pound ball back a fourth will holding a crunch position.

Immediately afterward I had breakfast--a Dogfish Head Ta Henket--and immediately felt better.

When I got home I was sore, took a bath, and then took a nap for three hours, sleeping like the dead.

I woke up feeling great, and finished out the evening with a Rouge Voodoo Doughnut Bacon Maple Ale (yes, it is really brewed with bacon), a New Glarus Apple Ale, and a JF & KS/Troegs/Stone Cherry Chocolate Stout.

When I'm hanging out with friends, or on vacation, I can easily drink ten or twelve beers over a whole day, along with eating three meals. On this diet, I've only managed to consume four beers a day and no food whatsoever.

I'm just not that hungry. In fact, the last beer of the night probably wasn't needed, but I was playing videogames with the wife and had a good buzz (.04 BAC) so I nursed beer number four for about an hour.

I'm getting comments on both of my blogs, and through personal email, from folks who are worried I'm going to kill myself on this diet. According to the poll I have in my sidebar, 66% of people believe my health will suffer. While I'm touched by this concern, I'm not swayed by their arguments.

Every year, for forty days, thousands of monks go on an all-beer fast during Lent. I'm familiar with many abbeys who brew beer (there are dozens), but I've never heard any stories about the monks dropping dead. Granted, that isn't something they'd likely advertise, but monks have been brewing beer since the 1600s, and if there were a large fatality rate it is likely there wouldn't be 25 Abbey and Trappist breweries today.

Aside: When I told my teenage son I was doing this diet like the monks, and asked if he was concerned for my health, he said, "No, Those monks are really healthy, doing all of that exercise and training." Turns out he was confusing Trappist monks with Shaolin monks who know kung-fu. I'd much rather go on a beer diet than stick my hands in hot ash and learn to become an eight diagram pole fighter.

Fat is stored energy. The reason we have it is so it can be burned as fuel. The nutrients we eat which aren't immediately used are either excreted or stored in fat cells. When triglycerides are broken down into glycerol and fatty acids, your body reabsorbs these, using them to power itself. It's like a reserve tank of gas.

I'm drinking high calorie beers, often with fruit adjuncts. It is still a restricted calorie diet, but I should be getting the rest of my needed energy from burned fat. Fat-soluble vitamins include A, D, E, and K. In other words, those vitamins are stored in my fat cells like presents under the Christmas tree, just waiting for me to open them up by dieting.

B-complex and C are not stored in my fat cells because they are water-soluble rather than fat-soluble. But guess what? Brewer's yeast is one of the best sources for B-complex on the planet. As for C, if I keep drinking beer made with fruit, I should have that covered.

Yeast is also a complete protein. To wit: it contains adequate amounts of the nine essential amino acids needed for humans to survive.

Beer also contains antioxidants in ratios higher than green tea, red wine, or soy.

But this is all stuff I picked up on the internet. I want to find out for myself. So I'm contacting some food labs and having them analyze some of the beer I'm drinking, to see how healthful it actually is.

I'm also going to have another blood test on the 9th, to see how my numbers are. If I'm hurting my body in any way, I'll find out pretty fast.

Here's a video of me doing the first round of burpees.

Day 2 - Part 1

2012-01-02T05:42:00.000-08:00

I slept well. Woke up at six. I'm hungry, but not any moreso than any other morning.

No hangover whatsoever. No headache. No stomachache.

Stool report

Loose, as expected. Not much there. Dunno if I'm still processing my last meal, or if this is truly a product of only beer.

To Do Today

I have to workout in a few hours. I've decided to hold off on drinking my first beer of the day until after the workout. At some point I will have to drink a few before I exercise, if only to see what happens, but today I'm going to play it safe.

Our bathroom is being remodeled, and I need to do some minor fix-up stuff. Will have to squeeze that in.

Must write! If I don't get 3000 words done today I'm in trouble.

Random Thoughts

Weird to not have to floss.

I'm really unhappy with my double chin. I hate to shave, mostly because it's a pain in the ass, but if I shaved every day I bet I never would have allowed myself to get this fat. I'm not vain in the least, but since I lost my beard I don't recognize that obese guy in the mirror.

Watching video of myself in my underwear is something I should have done years ago. Seeing yourself in the mirror isn't the same as seeing yourself on a monitor. It may sound ridiculous, but I really didn't believe I was this heavy until I started this diet and saw the pictures.

It was about a year ago when I realized I fit better in 2XL shirts rather than the XL I'd been wearing for the last decade. Back in 2002 I wore L. Now, looking at my closet, I've got so many shirts I haven't worn in years, or even decades. I think it might be fun to try some on now, shoot some video, and see how they'll fit at the end of the diet.

On Thursday I'm going to visit the Three Floyds brewery. They're one of my favorite brewers, and it will fun to talk to the brewmasters about beer. Back in the day, before my writing career took over my life, I used to homebrew. Like all new brewers, I started with extracts, but later graduated to full grain and mashing my own barley. I still have a fridge in the basement with some moldy old cornelius kegs in it. Might be fun to brew again after all these years.

There seem to be a lot of people who are concerned for my health. Is what I'm doing really that dangerous? Fat is stored energy. That's why we have it. If I'm not getting enough sustenance my body will burn fat to keep me going. Isn't that how it is supposed to work?

Gotta get ready for my workout. More later today...

Day 1 - Part 1

2012-01-01T15:48:00.000-08:00

So apparently I'm the healthiest fat guy on the planet, even at 263.75 pounds.

Got my blood work results this morning, and my lipid panel is very good. Total cholesterol is 132 (I'm told the optimal range is between 125-200mg/dL.) HDL is 43, LDL is 69, and triglycerides are 100. So I'm in the range I should be.

My hemoglobin A1c is 5.2% of total Hgb, far below the 7% the American Diabetes Association recommends. So my blood sugar appears to be under control--something that surprised my DC, considering my obesity.

And yes, I am obese. The American Council on Exercise states any man with 25% or more body fat percentage is obese. I'm 34.1% body fat. Yikes. All that Ben & Jerry's seemed like such a good idea at the time.

My fat free mass is 173.7 pounds. My total body water is 47.5%, which is under the 55% recommended range, but when I had my body impedance analysis this morning at 10am I hadn't had anything to eat or drink since 10pm the night before. My extra-cellular fluid was 45.3% and intra-cellular fluid was 54.7%, which supposedly are where they should be.

Alcohol is a diuretic, so I'll have to make sure I drink a lot of water on this diet to avoid dehydration.

My thyroid is fine. CBC is normal. I'm a very tiny bit high in iron and uric acid, but I normally eat a lot of meat so these should drop within the next few days. My kidneys are functioning fine. My liver is fine. Everything is pretty much fine.

I'll be taking another blood test at the 10 day mark. We'll see if my numbers get better or worse.

I got back home after lunch, and missed breakfast, so I was pretty hungry. My first official meal of the diet was a 12oz bottle of Founders Breakfast Stout. It has an 8.3% abv, and I drank it in twenty minutes. Got a light buzz (and a BAC of .04) so I drank two glasses of water. It pretty much killed my hunger for ninety minutes, but then my stomach began to growl so I cracked open a 22oz Three Floyds Arctic Panzer Wolf. It's a double IPA, 9%, which I've been cellaring for a year. Still has a nice hop bite (India Pale Ales often lose bitterness on the shelf over time) and I've been nursing it for the last two hours.

As I write this, I can smell the lasagna my wife is making for dinner.

Smells awesome.

It's almost 6pm. I was planning on dinner for me at 7:30, but I have some stuff left to do today and don't want to get too buzzed.

On one hand, I think it's too early to guess how I'll do on this diet. I've fasted before, both intentionally and unintentionally (I was poor in my early years), so I know I can do it for a few days at least. But 29 more days? That seems like such a long time...

Day 1 - Part 2

2012-01-01T05:01:00.000-08:00

For dinner I had a Wild Onion Pumpkin Ale a Bell's Cherry Stout. I don't know if the USDA would count those as part of the fruit and vegetable family, but I figured it couldn't hurt.

I went to bed early, around 11pm, slightly buzzed, and then watched TV for an hour.

Damn, there sure are a lot of food commercials. I fell asleep hungry, and more than a little concerned.

Some of my concerns include:

Will I lose muscle?

Prior to starting this diet, I've been seeing a personal trainer 2-3 times per week, since early October. I'm going to be working out again tomorrow morning. She's been monitoring my weight, paying attention to fat, muscle, and water ratios. I've actually gained more than fifteen pounds in muscle since I started. I don't want all of my hard work these last few months to atrophy away.

I know beer yeast has protein in it, but I don't know how much. Supposedly I need a minimum of 10%-17% of my daily caloric intake to be protein according to the USDA and the Institute of Medicine. I don't know if I'll get anywhere near that, but I'm going to try to find out. As part of this diet, I'm looking for food laboratories to test several types of beer to find out what is actually in them. Calories, protein, carbs, vitamins, minerals, etc. I haven't found a lab yet, so if anyone reading this has any suggestions, leave them in the comments.

Will I keep dwelling on food?

I've heard it said that men think about sex every 52 seconds. Right now I'm thinking about pizza at about the same interval. Also, oddly, I'm thinking about having sex with pizza. Not quite sure how that would work, but the idea pleases me.

In this culture, it is impossible to get away from images and reminders of food, thanks to our considerate friends, the advertisers. The number of food commercials is staggering. And I hate to say it, as I've been a longtime opponent of the effectiveness of advertising, but I wanted to eat every damn thing that appeared on my TV screen.

I've got 29 more days on this diet. Now that I've gone more than 24 hours without food, I'm really wondering how the hell I'll make it.

Will I lose productivity?

I got a lot done yesterday, working on this blog and my Newbie's Guide to Publishing, shooting a lot of footage, planning future shots. But I didn't get any fiction writing done.

For those reading this who don't know who I am, I make my living by writing novels and short stories. It's a sweet living, too. I've got a book that is overdue, which I have to completely restructure, and I need to get it done this month. If I can't get some writing time in tomorrow, I'm in trouble.

Will I poop?

My DC couldn't answer this one, and I'm pretty curious about it myself. On a 30 day liquid diet, will I still need to drop the kids off at the pool?

If I had to guess, I predict loose stools (Wouldn't that be a great name for a sitcom? Tune in to Loose Stools on Fox!) every few days. But, then again, I remember my son when he was a baby. He didn't eat solids either, but that didn't deter his poop production. So maybe I need to start wearing diapers.

Final thoughts

Falling asleep, I can't help but wonder if this was the mother of all stupid ideas. I guess only time will tell...

Day 0

2011-12-31T07:10:00.000-08:00

My name is Joe Konrath. I'm one of the happiest people on the planet. I've got agreat family, and we're healthy and love each other and all get along. I'm my own boss, work out of my home, and I make good money. I live in a nice house in a nice neighborhood,and I can afford lots of fun toys. I enjoy everything about my life.

Well, almost everything.

This is me when I was 19 years old.

180 pounds

I should probably explain why I'm dressed like that, but I'm not going to. In this picture, I'm five ten, have a 32 inch waist and weigh about 180 pounds.

This is me today, at 41 years old.

264 pounds

I'm still five ten, butnow I have a 40 inch waist and I weigh 264 pounds. That's an 84 pound weight gain. Ouch. Eighty-fours pounds is how much a super model weighs, and I look like I've just eaten one.

Now, I've always been able to easily gain and lose weight, and I've done my share of diets in the past. Here are somebefore and after pics of me ten years ago doing a high protein, low carb diet. I went from232 to 200 in just 30 days.

232 pounds

200 pounds

But I hated the low carb diet. One of my favoritethings to consume isn't technically a food, even though it is loaded withcarbohydrates.

Of course, I'm talking about beer.

I LOVE beer. And even though I wantto lose weight and lead a healthier lifestyle, I don't want to give updrinking beer. In fact, I'm not entirely convinced that beer is the reason I'vegained so much weight. I've always believed that beer, in moderation, isactually beneficial to your health.

So I got to thinking. Maybe I've been going about thisweight loss thing the wrong way. If I want to really make a lifestyle change,and I refuse to give up drinking beer, maybe beer isn't what I should be givingup.

Maybe I should live on nothing but beer. No food at all.

So that's what I'm doing. For thirty days, I'm not going toeat any food. All I'm going to consume is beer and water.

No food. No supplements (other than an occasional aspirin). Just beer.

Now some of you may be thinking, "Are you out of your mind?"

Well, maybe. But I'm pretty sure this will work.

Some of the best beer in the world is brewed by monks. They do this for a reason. Every Lent, the monks fast from Ash Wednesday to Easter. That's forty days of nothing but beer.

So if it's good enough for them, it is good enough for me.

I'm a writer, so I'm going to blog about this every day, and eventually turn it into a book. I'm also going to be recording this diet on video with the intent to turn it into a documentary.

I'm starting the diet tomorrow. Tonight will be my last solid food for 30 days. Tomorrow, I'm going to get the results of my blood work, then do an official weigh-in. I'll be seeing a DC who is a nutritionist and getting blood work done every ten days on this diet, checking things like BMI, thyroid panel, CBC, lipid panel, A1c, etc.

During the diet, I'm going to be working out with a personal trainer 2-3 times per week.

I have four main concerns for this diet.

1. Will I actually lose wieght?

2. Will my health decline, improve, or stay the same?

3. Will I still be able to get work done if I'm drinking beer all day?

4. Will I turn into a total dick?

You may notice in the sidebar there are some polls. Please let me know if you think I'll lose weight, and if I'll wind up healthier or if my health will deteriorate, by the time I'm finished on February 2, 2012.

Q: Why are you seeing a Doctor of Chiropractic and not an MD?

A: I called over ten MDs. No one wanted to have anything to do with this documentary, or this diet. Even my DC, who was intrigued by the idea, got into trouble with his partner and his wife for agreeing to help me. As a result, he won't appear on camera. Apparently no one wants to be associated with an all beer diet. From a liability standpoint, I can't blame them.

Q: Aren't you worried this is dangerous?

A: I just had a physical a month ago. Besides being overweight, I'm in pretty good shape. That may sound odd, but it's true. I've never had any serious health problems or issues, never been hospitalized, never had surgery, and as far as I know I'm pretty healthy. We'll see how healthy when I get my blood test results tomorrow.

Q: What does your family think about this dumb-ass idea?

A: My wife and son are being very supportive, and they will appear in the documentary.

Q: What do you predict will happen to you on this diet?

A: I predict I'll lose weight. Hopefully a lot of it. I don't foresee any health issues or major problems.

I'll probably have hunger pangs, and it may be difficult to drink without getting too buzzed or drunk. That would be bad. My goal is to drink moderately, and hydrate with a lot of water in between beers.

Q: What kind of beers will you drink?

A: I'm a beer snob. This diet will include beers from some of my favorite brewers: Three Floyds, Sam Adams, Brewdog, Mikkeller, Southern Tier, Dogfish Head, The Bruery, Founders, Bell's, Goose Island, and many others.

Q: How much will you drink each day?

A: I'm not sure. I'd like to stick with three meals, one or two beers per meal. Or I could sip beer throughout the day. I'm going to have to play it by ear...

Q: How often will you blog?

A: I'll blog at least once a day, more if I feel the need to. I'll also be posting video, hopefully daily, to show my progress.

Also, let me add a disclaimer here.

You should never begin any diet, especially this one, without first consulting your physician, your astrologer, and all your pets.
The consumption of alcoholic beverages has been linked to many health problems, such as death, and if you drink to excess you will likely start acting like an asshole.
Pregnant women shouldn't get really loaded and then operate heavy machinery, because that increases the risk of birth defects, and you may wind up running over or mulching lots of innocent nuns.
Over-indulgence in beer may lead to you hooking up with someone who looks like a wildebeest, but you won't know know it until the next morning.
Beer can lead to explosive diarrhea, especially in combination with Mexican food, which might lead to divorce.
Finally, if you try to be like me and do this, you're an idiot and whatever happens to you is your own damn fault.